


Contraband

by yodepalma



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Just Add Kittens, Young Cor Leonis, this is pointless but it made me happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yodepalma/pseuds/yodepalma
Summary: The cat is a problem. A soft, fluffy, adorable problem, who very likely is about to give birth to several more problems.But right now the problem is purring on his lap, kneading happily at his thigh. And it's very hard to be mad about it.Which he is, naturally, mad about.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Contraband

**Author's Note:**

> i told cai i wanted to start a story with this first line and this is the nonsense we ended up with. :)  
> cor is like 18 here. he deserves friends his own goddamn age, so please enjoy our reoccurring oc, helen. his other random crownsguard roommates are named after characters from other final fantasy games because why not.

The cat is a problem. A soft, fluffy, adorable problem, who very likely is about to give birth to several more problems.

But right now the problem is purring on his lap, kneading happily at his thigh. And it's very hard to be mad about it.

Which he is, naturally, mad about.

He's lucky the cat was wild enough that she doesn't constantly meow at him, but that doesn't help when literally all of his clothes are covered in fur. So far his excuses about being enthusiastically greeted by large dogs while he's patrolling are working, but that's not going to help on the days he's not patrolling. And Clarus keeps giving him these _looks_ , like he knows exactly what Cor is hiding.

He wishes Clarus would _say something_. He has a house, which would definitely be a better environment for the cat to give birth in. But he just _stares_. Like a _creep_.

Fuck him anyway.

The cat rolls over in his lap and makes a little chirruping noise, clearly begging for a belly rub. Cor obliges and has to swallow down an excited noise when he feels the babies squirm. Clarus doesn't deserve this honor anyway. Cor is _not_ giving up the chance to see the kittens.

…He should probably name his living contraband.

Contra gives birth two weeks later, _way_ sooner than Cor had been prepared for. The books he snuck into the library to read didn't help him figure out how far along she had been, and she didn't seem to be interested in making a nest other than the pile of spare clothes he shoved under the bunk for her to sleep on.

She does him the favor of waiting until everyone else is asleep before she crawls out from under the bed and starts purring aggressively at him. He slides down to the floor to find out what's going on, and she settles between his legs and…does her _thing_. Purring the entire time.

He can't watch. He's killed daemons and seen men on the battlefield with their guts on the wrong side of their skin, but giving birth is _different_. Especially since he _knows_ what happens after the babies are all the way out. He is _not watching that_. It's enough that he has to listen to it.

Some interminable amount of time later, he _thinks_ she's done, and cracks his eyes open. Contra's busy licking one of the babies clean, which would be adorable if the baby wasn't covered in blood and—other stuff. He turns his attention to the other two instead, careful not to touch them. It's hard to tell what they look like in the dark, and he resigns himself to finding out what they look like in the morning. He closes his eyes and leans against the bed, content to wait until the third baby is clean before he hides them again.

"Cor, what the _actual fuck_."

Cor snorts awake, automatically reaching for his katana before he remembers where he is. And why he's on the floor.

"I guess this explains shit, though," Seifer continues, squatting down in front of Cor and giving the mewling kittens a dubious look. "Can I touch them?"

" _No._ " Cor raises his knees over them protectively, wincing as his hips protest the sudden movement. More of his bunkmates are waking up and forming a circle around Cor and Seifer to find out what's happening. _Fuck_.

Cor has never experienced claustrophobia before, but with everyone closing ranks around him he feels sudden sympathy for those who do. He wants to gather up the kittens and bolt out of the room, find somewhere else to hide them. But there's nowhere to _go_.

"What're we gonna do?" Steiner asks, laying on the ground to look at the cats beneath Cor's legs. Contra hisses at him. "We can't let the captain know."

Cor blinks. "We?" he asks, looking around at everyone. He realizes that none of them look _mad_ at him, although he suspects Zidane and Bartz are laughing at him. Assholes. He'll get them back when they spar.

"Captain'll kill them," Steiner continues earnestly. " _And then us._ "

"We'll hide them until they're weaned and you can adopt them out." Seifer gets to his feet and starts shooing everyone away. "Where've you been keeping her anyway?"

"…Under the bed." Cor watches suspiciously as everyone starts to turn away, some more reluctantly than others. "I can try to get them back under there, but…" He gestures vaguely toward the floor.

" _Gross_." Seifer looks vaguely green. "I'll, uh. I'll have. Someone else clean it up."

As Seifer walks away to bully someone into cleaning up Contra's mess, Cor forces himself to his feet as well. Then he immediately sits back down on the floor, reaching under his bed to pat his clothing nest and give Contra his best pleading look. She stares back at him and purrs.

He could _probably_ just pick her up and force her back under the bed, but then what would he do with the kittens? He isn't sure if he's supposed to touch them yet, and even if he can, what if he _hurts_ them? They're so tiny and fragile and _loud_.

" _Please_ go under the bed," Cor begs, ignoring the snickers from behind him. "I don't know what to do with them."

Contra blinks slowly at him and continues purring. Cor sighs and props his head up with his hands. His elbows dig painfully into his thighs as he stares at the kittens. Now that the others have lights on and the sun is slowly rising, he can see what they look like. There's a tiny brown tabby with the _littlest_ white toes, a black one with longer fur, and one with black and white splotches. They're the _cutest_ things he's ever seen. But that doesn't make them stop being the biggest problem he's ever had.

He pats hopelessly at his pile of clothes again, making little kissy noises at Contra. Someone says something about how cute Cor is being, and he feels his cheeks heat up. Maybe if he acts like he's not blushing nobody will notice.

Contra stares at him for so long that Cor _has_ to get up and start getting dressed. He managed to keep his uniform safe from her, but he's lost more socks again. Oh well. As long as he has one clean pair he won't worry about her obsession.

He hears rustling noises while he's trying to figure out how he managed to do the buttons up on his shirt wrong, and he spins around with his heart beating in his throat. If anyone has _touched_ the cat, he's going to _murder them and their entire family_.

But Contra is just picking up her kittens one at a time, and carrying them to her nest. Cor sighs in relief. Maybe everything will work out.

The kittens are hidden just in time. Cor isn't the only one who jumps when the door slams open and the captain steps in with a scowl that deepens as he stares at everyone suspiciously. Not that the fucker has any _other_ expression since someone managed to put glitter in his showerhead. Cor absolutely has no idea who could possibly have done such a thing. No idea _at all_. He has an alibi and everything.

It'd be worth it even if he didn't. The captain still has glitter on his uniform some days, but nobody has the balls to point it out.

Well, Cor has the _balls_ to do it, but the last time he did it got _everyone_ in trouble. It's not as funny when everyone else is mad at him too.

Cor is dragged out to "help" train the new recruits again, and he rolls his eyes behind the captain's back as he's led out to the field. He watches impassively as the recruits' faces fall in disappointment. A few take it one step further and glare at Cor, as if it's his fault they all _suck_.

Except for Helen, who waits until the captain isn't looking directly at her to give Cor a little wave. Cor likes Helen, against his better judgement. She was the only recruit that remotely proved a challenge, and one day she's going to be terrifying.

If only she wasn't so damn nosy.

After the captain finishes making all the recruits feel like failures, Helen latches on to Cor and drags him to the mess hall. They snag a table in a corner, and she leans over it to grin directly into his face.

"You look exhausted," she says enthusiastically. "Are you finally going to tell me what you've been sneaking around with?"

Cor glares at her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Helen ignores him, which unfortunately is par for the course. "If you've pulled another dumb prank I want to be informed before fingers get pointed at me. Everyone _knows_ we're friends."

"We're not friends."

"And if you have an alibi, you'd better share it with me so I can corroborate it. And find a way to use it for myself too."

"There's nothing to need an alibi for this time." Helen keeps staring at him expectantly. " _Really_. Would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, that's fair." Cor sighs and stabs at…whatever the inedible slop is on his plate. Whatever this is, he's not sure he should take it back to Contra. He should've been paying more attention to what he was being served. "Look, just come back to my bunk with me. And bring your lunch."

Helen reels back like Cor had slapped her. "Are you _hitting on me_?"

Cor's nose wrinkles without his input. "Gross. No. I'm going to show you my cat so you'll _leave me alone_."

" _Thank fuck_." Helen holds a hand to her chest and widens her eyes innocently. "I thought I was going to have to figure out how to kick your ass _real_ quick."

Cor rolls his eyes and leaves the mess hall, not looking to see if she's following. Now that he's not distracted with sparring, he's antsy to get back to his bunk and check on the kittens. What if someone found them while he was gone? Or his asshole bunkmates thought it would be funny to do something to them? He doesn't want to have to kill anyone because he wasn't there to keep an eye on them.

Thankfully, there's nobody in the barracks in need of murdering. Cor lays on the floor so he can look under the bed, and he's greeted with Contra's purring again. Careful not to hit the babies, he stretches his arm out to her and scritches the side of her face. Contra's purring gets louder, and it draws Helen down to lay on the floor facing him.

"Oh no." Helen's voice is softer than he's ever heard it. "You didn't say you have _kittens_. They're so cute!" When she reaches under the bed as well, Contra turns from Cor to hiss at her.

"Everyone's offered to help me hide her, but I don't have anything to _feed_ her. I've been trying to buy cat food when I’m out on patrol, but I don't always have enough and I've been feeding her scraps from my meals."

"You can't give a mother _table scraps_." Despite Helen's scandalous tone, she picks apart some of her burger and hands it over to Cor so he can feed the cat. "I'll get some cat food for her, but in exchange I want one of the kittens."

Cor glares at her. "And where do _you_ plan on keeping them?"

"With my sister Lucy, _duh_. She went to _culinary school_. Hiding a cat in her dorm is the least of her sins."

Cor looks back at Contra and hesitates. He knows he's going to have to give up the kittens eventually, but he doesn't want to think about it _already_. On the other hand, he definitely can't get enough food for them with his meagre pay and limited time off.

"Fine," he grumbles eventually, petting Contra again as he scowls. "What do you want to name the one I give you?"

Helen's brow furrows as she seems to think it over. "I'll get back to you on that."

Whatever. She's got months to figure it out.

Hiding an entire litter of kittens for three months is no mean feat. Contra refuses to let anyone _near_ the kittens for the first week or so, and for another week after that she hisses at people who get close when Cor isn't around. But by the end of the first month, _everyone's_ covered in cat fur and coming up with increasingly convoluted excuses for it.

Even Helen's uniform starts to collect fur from Cor sneaking her into the room so the kittens can get used to her. Rumors start to sprout up that they're _dating_ , all of which Cor habitually denies. He wouldn't date Helen even if he were interested in women. First of all, he's technically her superior. And second of all, she's _Helen_. He's not sure she's interested in anything outside of her weapons training.

The rumors finally seem to convince Clarus to approach Cor rather than glare at him from a distance. He corners Cor in the mess, dragging him and his lunch to his office to glare at him up close and personal. Cor takes a large bite of his burger and waits him out.

"I know you're not dating Helen," Clarus says eventually, which isn't surprising. He still teases Cor for the crush he had on Regis when he was _fifteen_. "What're you hiding that's so awful that you're letting that rumor go?"

"I'm not _letting_ people believe it," Cor says through a mouthful of burger just to see Clarus cringe. "It's not my fault people don't believe me when I deny it."

"But you _are_ hiding something." Clarus sighs when Cor gives him a blank look. "Cor, I've known you for five years. I damn well know when you're acting suspicious. Are you hiding something dangerous?"

"No," Cor says, because he isn't. 

"Dangerous by a _normal person's_ standards?" Clarus clarifies.

" _No_. It's the opposite of dangerous." Clarus gives him a disbelieving look and Cor uncomfortably starts nibbling on a fry. "Look, you can't tell anyone, _especially_ not the captain. I may have adopted a stray cat."

Clarus stares for a long, long second. "A cat."

"She liked me and she was pregnant!" Cor throws his plate down on Clarus's desk and starts pacing. "I couldn't just _leave her on the streets_. She's under my bed with her kittens."

"And you've been keeping them there for _three months_?" Clarus's voice is muffled, and Cor turns back to find him leaning over his desk with his face in his hands. "What does Helen have to do with this?"

Cor throws himself into a chair and _doesn't sulk_. "I promised to give her one of the kittens if she bought food for me." He looks up at Clarus with his best puppy eyes. "I know I can't keep them for good, but the books say they need to stay with their mother until they're weaned. You're not going to tell anyone, right? Cap'll be _pissed_."

Clarus rubs his face, but when he looks up at Cor again his smile is soft. "You're a good kid, Cor. A pain in my ass. But a good kid. You're going to introduce me to your cats and then we're going to find people to adopt them."

Cor nods morosely and starts nibbling on his cold fries again. He knows it's for the best, and it's what he was going to do anyway, but that doesn't mean he has to _like_ it.

They go to Cor's bunk a few minutes later, where they find a few of the men sitting around and waving a large yellow feather at the kittens. They all look up with wide eyes when Clarus enters, and a kitten takes that moment to snatch the feather out of Steiner's hand.

"I should've known the rest of the bunk was in on this." Clarus grins when the men give each other nervous looks. "Relax, I'm not here to punish anyone. I came to meet the cats."

Everyone shuffles out of the way when Clarus steps forward, giving him room to kneel down and hold out a hand for Contra to sniff. Cor crosses his arms and stands uncomfortably behind his friend.

"That's Contra," he says as Contra gently butts her head against Clarus's fingers in a request for pets. Clarus obliges. "The tabby is Clawdia, and Helen has already claimed her. The black one is Pawssanova and the spotty one is Octopuss."

Clarus's brow furrows thoughtfully. "Why is the mother named Contra?"

"Because she's contraband."

Clarus closes his eyes and looks pained. "Of course. Why did I bother asking?"

An awkward silence falls as Clarus takes turns scritching all of the cats' heads, and Cor and his bunkmates avoid each other's eyes. They're almost as attached to Contra and her kittens as Cor is, and everyone is fully aware that they're going to lose the cats now that one of their superiors knows about them.

"You know," Clarus says eventually, looking up at Cor mischievously. "Regis's birthday is coming up. He's always wanted a pet."

Cor forcefully shoves down the excitement building in his chest. If Regis takes one of the kittens, he'll be able to _visit it_. "The king'll be _furious_ ," he says with more relish than he intended to. "We can give Regis Pawssanova. He matches the Lucian aesthetic."

Clarus rolls his eyes but doesn't start their usual argument that the royalty doesn't wear black because they think it's cool. Cor counts it as a win.

**Author's Note:**

> Addendum: Regis does indeed take in Pawssanova, to many protests from his father. But she was a _gift_ and he couldn't _refuse_ it! He pretends the gift was from Clarus, who pretends he didn't know that Mors hates all animals.
> 
> Clarus takes in Contra and Octopuss, but Weskham visits for Regis's birthday and falls in love with Octopuss instantly. The feeling is mutual. When he returns to Altissia, Octopuss goes with him. She is spoiled for many years on Weskham's cooking.
> 
> After Helen finishes training, she moves into a small apartment and retrieves Clawdia from Lucy. She remains best friends with Cor and the rumors that they're dating continue despite their best efforts. Clawdia is a menace and Cor encourages her.


End file.
